| In the Company of My
Lord - 3 |
 |
By Ma Gurupriya
[Published
in Vicharasetu – December 1990. The author Ma Gurupriya
was then ‘Ratnadeepa’]
‘Sidhyasiddhyoh
samo bhootvaa…’
My
Lord through his Grace made me ascend yet another step. As
He made me understand that there is no essential difference
between spiritual and non-spiritual activities, as he made
me realize that “All work is His work”, he also revealed
to me that the mind should ultimately rise above saadhana
and non-saadhana, above moksha
(liberation) and bandhana
(bondage). This understanding was essential, as my
intense desire to attain Self-realization had put me into a
severe crisis. I had grown so much of impatience and tension
because of the desire that the mind suffered from agony and
agitation.
My
Lord made me understand that although initially the
aspiration to proceed towards the goal is indispensable and
it must grow stronger and stronger, in no way should the
urge itself become an obsession and hindrance. One must
learn to be as natural as possible in this regard also.
The
Growth of Aspiration
This
desire for Self-realization did not grow to such intensity
all of a sudden. It grew slowly over the years –
overwhelming all worldly desires. My Lord led me through
various stages of saadhana holding my hand, imparting the
lessons and right understanding at each step.
Initially,
when I stepped into the spiritual path, I understood that as
a seeker one must have a wholesome aspiration to reach the
goal, which I imagined to be a state of constant peace and
happiness. I thought, one must have a wholesome seeking for
whatever is the truth, for right understanding and right
vision, for divinity. This
I believed to be the purpose of human life.
By
then I had already started writing to Baba. On the eve of my
first birthday after I started correspondence with him, I
wrote to Baba: “For the first time I feel a sense of
blessedness for having been born. Now I know that there is a
definite purpose, a higher aim behind human birth – to
seek God or Truth. I pray to reach the goal. Please place
your hands mentally on my head and bless me.”
Early
Associations
I
would not have received a better gift from any body in life
which my friend from Calcutta had given me – the knowledge
and touch of a spiritual life, the vision of a path of
seeking, the idea of Guru and initiation, and above all,
bringing Baba to my life. At the same time he had introduced
me to the philosophy and teachings of Sri Aurobindo and the
Mother of Pondicherry.
He
gave me a few booklets based on the teachings and sayings of
Sri Aurobindo and the Mother. The booklets were on different
aspects of saadhana, like Self-perfection, Aspiration,
Surrender and Grace, Prayer and Meditation, Nature,
Happiness and Peace, Work, Food, Education… and so many
others. I also acquired some other books published by Sri
Aurobindo Ashram.
These
books became my closest companion. They helped me keep the
flame of aspiration burning constantly in my mind and
inspired me to grow in sincerity and love for Truth –
including the truth in speech and thought. These books also
grew in me a love for right understanding, right vision and
comprehensive outlook, guiding almost each and every action.
The books on Self-perfection specially helped in developing
a keenness to find out imperfections in me and bring about
corrections and improvements.
At
the same time I was drinking deep the nectarine compositions
of ‘Shantiniketan’
– a compilation of Tagore’s morning lectures based on
Upanishads, delivered to the students at Shantiniketan. I
was also reading regularly the Bhagavadgeeta, ‘Ramakrishna
Kathaamrita’ and ‘In Tune with the Infinite’ (by Ralph
Waldo Trine) – a very inspiring book which Baba had asked
me to read.
On
one hand it was the spiritual literature and correspondence
with Baba and my friend, while on the other it was the songs
of Tagore and Atul Prasad Sen, that were fusing into my
being, effecting a sublime transformation. Our teacher Sri
Sudhir Chanda used to teach us beautiful songs of
Rabindranath Tagore, on ‘Pooja’, ‘Prakriti’ and
‘Prema’ – full of surrender and love for the Creator,
the Lord of this wonderful creation.
The literature and the songs had a sublime influence
on my mind drawing it close to my Lord, the Indweller. The
mind came to know for certain that one must surrender to the
Divine Master and be like a child in the mother’s bosom
– having no worries, shedding all preferences, prejudices,
likes and dislikes. The mind now constantly aspired to
surrender at the feet of the Lord and be purified to the
core, feeling deeply that the Lord would protect and show
the right path.
Soon
I started visiting Sri Aurobindo Society in Delhi. It was in
one of the Government quarters on Baba Kharag Singh Marg. In
the next quarter lived Sri Verma, the secretary of the
Society. Many afternoons I would suddenly stop my research
work in the University and proceed for the Society. Those
days, busses were infrequent and irregular in Delhi, and the
nearest point from which I could get a bus was at about 20
minutes walk from the Society. The place was quite lonely
and the streets of Delhi were not at all safe for women! Now
I wonder how I had been going there alone in the evening.
The sense of surrender and the growing closeness with the
Indweller used to make me feel fearless and airy – as if I
had wings! I used to talk to the Lord and walk.
The
society had very few visitors in the afternoon and mostly I
was the only one. I had to get from Sri Verma the key for
the meditation hall, which was my main attraction there.
Even now I can feel the serene atmosphere of the spacious
and sublime hall where I have spent many afternoons. Sri and
Sreemati Verma were very affectionate and ever ready to
help. They gave me a cassette player and a few cassettes of
Mother’s music and Mother’s talk to listen to sitting in
the meditation hall. I used to sit for long hours in
solitude listening to the divine music.
Guru
Stotra
One
day they gave me a new cassette which, they said, contained
some Sanskrit slokas. It was simply wonderful! It touched me
to the core. I never knew about these slokas; also I knew
not that Sanskrit slokas can be chanted in such blissful
manner and that the chanting could produce such sublime
effect. It was the Guru stotras chanted by some devotee.
Ever
since I came to know of Baba and started writing to him,
ever since Baba asked me to pray to the Lord for initiation,
I had been praying to my unseen Guru trying to surrender
myself completely at his Lotus-feet. Now, the repeated sound
of the words “Tasmai
Sree Gurave Namah” made me absolutely motionless. As
if the growing aspiration in me found expression through
these verses! Tears rolled down my cheek. The mind remained
fixed on the Lotus-feet.
I
played the cassette again and again until I learnt all the
verses. With my limited knowledge of Sanskrit I was doubtful
whether I was picking up the words correctly. I kept on
chanting these verses mentally and also loudly, getting
merged in their sublimity. Often, while chanting, the voice
would choke, the mind craving for the company of the Lord.
A
few months later just a few days before my marriage I went
to Ramakrishna mission of Delhi along with my parents and
brothers. Apart from visiting the holy place, another
purpose was to acquire a copy of the Bhagavadgeeta which my
mother wished me to hold during my marriage ceremony. This
mission was perhaps the first spiritual centre I had visited
during my school days and here was my first encounter with
Sannyasins. I can even now breathe the soft, sacred
fragrance in the prayer hall where stood the divine statue
of Sri Ramakrishna Dev amidst deep silence and peace. This
hall had attracted and impressed me right from the
beginning; I was also impressed by the ochre-robed
Sannyasins. I looked at them in admiration thinking that
they have left everything – their home, parents and all
the near and dear ones – to attain God.
This
Ramakrishna Mission of Delhi did play a significant role in
my life. Every year on the occasion of Swami Vivekananda’s
birthday, the mission used to hold recitation competition
for the school children. Passages from Swami Vivekananda’s
talks and teachings used to be selected for recitation. Miss
Kamala Sengupta, the principal of our school (Lady Irwin
School), was very much dedicated and enthusiastic about
exposing all her children to the culture of our land, Fine
Arts, Science, Literature, Sports and even to Nature and its
beauty. Before the recitation competitions, our teachers
used to take special care to teach the students the art of
recitation. We used to recite with a lot of feeling and
fervour. The introduction to Vivekananda’s literature
through these competitions had grown in us a love for the
nation and our culture, and an eagerness for acquiring
virtues.
Now,
the visit to the Mission just a few days before my marriage
was in a way quite significant. As we approached the sales
counter I saw a book – a collection of Sanskrit verses –
‘Stava Kusumaanjali’
(‘Altar Flowers’, in English), with Bengali translation.
When I opened the book I was wonder struck – all the
verses of ‘Guru-stotra’ that I had been chanting, were
there! I bought the book and went through the meaning of
each and every word. I started chanting the verses with
greater joy and emotion, prostrating at Sree Guru’s feet
with each utterance of ‘Tasmai
Sree Gurave Namah’.
At
the Feet of Baba
My
long waiting for Baba’s darsan
was soon over. Within six days of my marriage I was at His
feet. I was accompanied by Aroop – Baba’s disciple, my
friend from Calcutta – to whom I got married according to
Baba’s wish and suggestion. The next day, Baba blessed me
with deekshaa.
For seven long months, according to Baba’s direction I had
been praying to the Lord for initiation. Finally, the prayer
was granted.
Before
meeting Baba, I used to think that on meeting him first I
would keep my head on his feet and shed tears relieving the
heaviness of my heart – just as I did in my vision the
night I had heard about him. But never did such a moment
come – I felt so much owned and loved, so secure and
peaceful, in Baba’s company that all my questions, doubts
and anxieties got dissolved in his presence, leaving only a
tranquility. While chanting Guru-stotras, I used to foster a
desire of chanting these verses sitting at Baba’s feet.
But somehow this could never materialize during my five
years’ association with Baba. Several years later in 1984,
at Jamshedpur, I chanted these verses sitting at the feet of
Swamiji – to whose spiritual care Baba had handed me over
during his last days.
Seeking
Strengthened through Gaarhasthya
For
a spiritual seeker, the marriage and family-life generally
becomes a hindrance. But, my Lord strengthened my seeking by
marrying me to one who had been a spiritual seeker right
from childhood – sincere in his saadhana and knowing no
other aim or purpose in life than to know the Self. For my
growth and progress in spiritual path, I owe a great deal to
my husband. He, by his unwavering aspiration for Truth, by
his deep understanding and clarity, has always helped and
inspired me like a Guru – to proceed forward overcoming
many a spiritual crisis.
The
fact that our marriage was decided and settled by Baba, that
it was his wish, had always given us a special impetus to
grow in each other’s company towards the spiritual goal.
Our understanding of the married life was that we must be
complimentary and helpful to each other in pursuing the
spiritual path, in improving ourselves, in becoming more and
more pure and perfect.
For
this, we were ready to accept any comment or criticism from
each other. “Instead of being argumentative and
intolerant, we must look into our own defects and try to
improve,” – was our firm resolve. This attitude helped
us overcome many of our shortcomings and obstinacy. The
process continues even now – there is no end to one’s
improvement and corrections.
In
spite of all the resolution, sincerity and aspiration for a
harmonious relationship, sometimes we used to differ and
also be quite obstinate about it. Once we raised this point
before Swamiji when we met him in Delhi. His advice was
singular and very effective. He said: “Look upon the
partner as your child. It is the parent who with parental
love can forgive and accommodate any behaviour of the
child”. This advice proved to be most effective not only
for interactions between us, but also in dealing with
others. Much of bitterness, irritation and annoyance can be
avoided when a parental attitude is fostered towards others.
This has been a great lesson and I have been growing with it
ever since.
The
Pivot
The
marriage between two spiritual seekers or aspirants can
really become complementary and helpful for their saadhana.
The growth becomes all the more smooth and easy when both
have allegiance and devotion to the same Guru. The central
pivot around which our married and household life started
and revolved was Baba, our Guru. Later on, five years after
our marriage, when Baba left his body handing me over to the
spiritual care of Swamiji, both Swamiji and Baba merged into
that pivot.
When
I look back I find it was this pivot to which we had always
looked up throughout our life, seeking advice, guidance and
support. We had started our journey through Gaarhasthyaasrama
(householder life) keeping Baba as our anchor, close to our
heart. All our thoughts and actions, decisions and doubts,
successes and failures, we shared with him, opening
ourselves completely to his grace. He moved with us
permeated throughout our being, providing inspiration, shade
and succour.
People
seek advice from parents, elders and friends. For us all
such advice was secondary. Baba’s advice had become the
foremost in our life and living. We considered him the only
person to whom we could turn to in all situations. We
believed that he would know the best for us. I remember,
even in trivial matters like slight difference of opinion in
ourselves, it was Baba’s face that I used to remember
silently. Even now, when I try to narrate all these
feelings, my eyes become full with tears of gratitude, my
whole being gets enlivened by the nectarine love with which
Baba had embraced us.
Before
marriage, Baba had written to me: "Brahmacharya,
Gaarhasthya, Vaanaprastha, Sannyaasa – proceed
step by step. Presently I want you to enter Gaarhasthya.”
When we entered Gaarhasthya he kept on giving us advice so
that we can carry on not only as noble householders but also
as ardent spiritual seekers even in the midst of various
domestic and social responsibilities, ties and distractions.
When
we first set up our household, Baba had written a series of
letters that helped us foster the right attitude in the new
phase of our life. He advised us to stay a little away from
the congested centre of the city and wrote: “All
facilities will come to your door. Hawkers and others will
arrive at the right time with the articles you need. Those
who seek God sincerely with all mind and heart, God gives
them everything according to their need. When we receive
help from somebody, we fail to realize that it is but
God’s help we receive through men. Those who remember that
this world moves harmoniously according to God’s wish and
grace, their prayers get fulfilled.”
He
wrote in another letter: “Everything is God’s gift. When
we enjoy with the knowledge that the objects enjoyed are
given by God, then attachment to the objects slowly gets
transformed into love for god.”
When
my parents in law came from Jamshedpur to stay with us in
our newly set-up house in Calcutta, Baba sent his timely
message – “Your parents are coming. Get ready to receive
them and serve them as living gods. Heaven and hell – both
are man’s own creation. I would like you to live in
heaven.”
And
in most of his letters, there used to feature one advice –
perhaps to safeguard against any impatience about spiritual
fruition – “Don’t do anything suddenly. Patience
bears fruit. Why not wait and see? Everything will be
all right. All roads lead to Rome. Maa
bhaih (Have no fear)!”
* * *
