| Parenting
and Spirituality |
 |
By Swami Bhoomananda Tirtha
[An
extract from Poojya Swamiji's correspondence dated 11th
August 2004]
Dear
and blessed P and R:
Harih
Om Tat Sat. Your loving letter of 28th
July is
before me. I am reading it again as I write these lines. The
earlier email also was received. You have written well in
both – heartily and touchingly.
While
to some extent desire and consequent burdens are quite usual
with household life, the fact remains that this plight robs
away the very purpose and fruition of the householder. The
question is: Do you like such a plight? If you do
not, the straight answer will be: be free of undue desire
and the burden it fetches. Learn to live in peaceful
harmony and welfare.
Desire
of any nature always constricts the mind. Such
constriction disables the mind to express itself fully,
healthily, and harmoniously. Understand this mental
truth and always think of avoiding desires and the
consequent torments. In reality, it is not desire but
something else far higher that should verily work in the
human. The truth about it will be known only through right
exposure and enlightenment.
To
have a child is to be happier. With the child and the
consequent involvement, if the very objective of happiness
is adversely affected, is there not something wrong in our
attitude? And then, does not the situation call for
re-evaluation? With the childbirth, you have assumed a new
status – one of the Creator, like Brahmaa, the Creator of
the world. This too is a great, good and complex role. Have
you become awake to this? Or is it that you are not able to
rise to its lofty level in your mind, intelligence and ego?
Will you examine your inner framework and find out where it
stands?
Your
spiritual practices, in fact, should have been intensified
with your new status. For, by that alone you can detect the
deficiencies and strive to redress them. Think whether this
is so or not.
The
answer is obviously not for you to be at home looking after
the child wholetime. Nature Herself has made the female
partner to give birth and also to nurse, tend and nurture
the young one. Let this be recognized and honoured. No
counter thought or reflection need be fostered. One
alternative could be that the father ‘mothers’ the child
and the mother ‘fathers’ him. Will it make any
difference? Would that be orderly or natural?
To
nourish oneself and the others close by is the prime
responsibility of any individual. Even if he does not fulfil
this, his body and needs are to be met. The means for it has
to come from somewhere. There, some one must be striving for
making this means available. That means, the resources can
result only when right perseverance takes place. A
non-exerting life is unimaginable. It is antagonistic to
Nature. Idleness
is never the scheme of Nature. Striving
alone is. Every speck of Nature is beaming with pulsation
and activity. In the human, besides the biological body,
there are the conscious constituents – mind and
intelligence – too. These should find their due expression
in the active field. Therein lie the meaning and glory of
human life. I am writing all this only in fulfillment of
this inner function and to facilitate a parallel response in
you.
On
account of dear N, you should neither have a disturbing
concern nor exceptional indifference. The right attitude
will be to allow him to grow. For that, give him the right
nourishment. Do not fail in providing the necessary timely
inputs – audio-visual, touch and taste. To feed a child,
to spend time playing with him, inducing progressive
responses in him, is quite natural. It does not call for any
desire or other motivation. Only unenlightened people
need desire to accomplish this kind of inter-personal
behaviour. We even feed a cow in the cow-shed lovingly.
In
providing these timely inputs, you have to be effective,
judicious and enlightened. Intensity of feeling,
introspection and imagination should be amply there. Most
parents bungle in this most important facet of human life
– child upbringing. Equip yourselves amply in this
respect.
Then
N will grow well in time. By no means can few years of his
growth be shortened or compacted. Spend some time everyday
interestingly with him. You will find it totals up to be a
week, month, a year and decade. At no time can you feed him
for two days at a stretch!
Ensure
you have the necessary wherewithal for it. This means you
also have to work, where your naturally acquired merits will
be employed to generate world productivity. Do well in that
mission. Neither there nor in the domestic front,
desire should intercept and spoil the sublimity of human
mission.
In
the professional front, it is seemingly a gross, external
objective mission and harmony. In the domestic segment, it
is a different note. Both come within the orbit of Nature.
What is called for is a fair appraisal of the facts, needs,
and persuasions. Effect these wholeheartedly.
Do
not disturb the whole relationship by the notorious desire,
possessiveness and ego. The mind is much better without
these knots. The intelligence has the ability and compulsion
to facilitate the mind’s working by ridding it of all
tormenting and agitating notes. That would be the true
spiritual effort or saadhana.
So
restore your practices. In their fond embrace, you will be
able to accomplish your professional tasks in a lesser time.
For instance, a one-hour job will be done in 45 minutes; a
one-hour reading can be done in 30 minutes. Why not discern
the benefits and be nourished by them?
One
important spiritual discipline is: Do not do what you
like. Learn to do what is necessary. Likewise, do not
always try to avoid what you dislike. That may not be
possible. You want to be at home, but that is not possible.
You do not like to be in office; that too is impossible.
What then? Learn to accept what you dislike. This
means your effort must be to culture a refinement and
loftiness whereby the mind will always rise above its
likes and dislikes. Develop a broad and creative
platform to be able to do whatever is necessary and
desirable.
The
sublimation of your likes and dislikes has thus been the
first contribution by little N. I wish him a sustained,
healthy growth and nourishment. He will be a good soul.
I
wonder
whether this gives you any insight and inspiration. All this
is equally for R.
Love
and ashirvaad. Ma and Nutan Swamiji send you loving good
wishes.
Antaraatma,
Swamiji.
* * *
